Today at work one of my co-workers was working on something for a patient when the word "Oops" slipped out. So I got thinking. What would you never want to hear come from the mouth of certain professions?
"That's how it's spelled, right?" from a teacher
"I've never been to Chicago before!" from a pilot
"I think this is the one that makes your chest pain go away. Or is it this one?" from a paramedic
"My bad!" from a CPA
"Huh! Never seen it do that before!" from an electrician
"Is this the tonsil removal or the knee replacement?" from a surgeon
"Um...where is it?" from a wild animal handler
"Sh*$t! Run!" from a septic cleaner
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Monday, June 15, 2009
Things To Remember When You Are At Work
Some times, oh who am I kidding...almost every moment!, work is stressful. You work with idiots, you work for an idiot and you deal with idiots. So here are some helpful reminders when the edge of the cliff looks more and more inviting.
1. It is against work policy to jump across the counter and try to slap the stupid off of someone.
2. Your boss may not know jack sh**t, but it's best to tell him/her that with your inner voice.
3. When the phone rings, it is perfectly acceptable to say "F**k off"...just make sure your co-worker isn't in the process of picking up said phone.
4. The person on the other end of the phone may very well be a jacka**, but they tend to call administration if they actually hear you say it.
5. It's ok if the best laugh you get all day is from making fun of the two bit trailer park hooker who just walked away from your window.
6. No matter how crap the day is, it is still against the rules to break out the maragitas...even if it is after lunch.
7. Remember: There is a fine line between not listening and not giving a sh**t. Make sure you don't make it too obvious when you have crossed from one to the other!
8. Your 15 minute break is like your own little day pass from the psych ward, use it well and make sure you aren't easily found by any of the inmates.
9. Most days you just have to face the fact that you are in the middle of a three ring circus and the ring master ran away screaming along time ago.
10. In the end, when all seems lost and the world is falling down around you, keep in mind: you only have yourself to blame! After all, no one put a gun to your head and made your stupid a** drive to work today!
1. It is against work policy to jump across the counter and try to slap the stupid off of someone.
2. Your boss may not know jack sh**t, but it's best to tell him/her that with your inner voice.
3. When the phone rings, it is perfectly acceptable to say "F**k off"...just make sure your co-worker isn't in the process of picking up said phone.
4. The person on the other end of the phone may very well be a jacka**, but they tend to call administration if they actually hear you say it.
5. It's ok if the best laugh you get all day is from making fun of the two bit trailer park hooker who just walked away from your window.
6. No matter how crap the day is, it is still against the rules to break out the maragitas...even if it is after lunch.
7. Remember: There is a fine line between not listening and not giving a sh**t. Make sure you don't make it too obvious when you have crossed from one to the other!
8. Your 15 minute break is like your own little day pass from the psych ward, use it well and make sure you aren't easily found by any of the inmates.
9. Most days you just have to face the fact that you are in the middle of a three ring circus and the ring master ran away screaming along time ago.
10. In the end, when all seems lost and the world is falling down around you, keep in mind: you only have yourself to blame! After all, no one put a gun to your head and made your stupid a** drive to work today!
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Most Common Things Heard In The Radiology Department
Some of the most common things heard in the Radiology Department where I work, and my creative responses.
Patient: I left my prescription at home, no one told me to bring it
Reply in head: That's right. I must have started speaking Mandarin Chineese when I said, "Be sure to bring your script with you."
Patient: No one told me I wasn't supposed to eat.
Reply in head: Yup, when I said to "Fast after midnight" I ment do things quicker than you usually do.
Patient: My doctor said they were going to fax over my orders, why don't you have it?
Reply in head: Becasue they are big, fat liars? No actually I do have it, but I just don't like you and want to make this way harder than it has to be! (insert evil laugh)
Patient: Why don't YOU call my doctor's office?
Reply in head: Why don't you take this fork and go stick it in that wall socket over there?
Me on phone: Radiology, Tess, how can I help you?
Patient: Is this Pam?
Reply in head: Why yes it is! You are clearly too smart to fall for my clever ruse of using another name. Alert the CIA, we have their new recruit!!
Patient: I need to schedule a brain scan.
Reply in head: Yes that was obvious from the moment I answered the phone!
Me on phone: All our x-rays are done on a walk in basis.
Patient: So what's the best time to come in if I come tomorrow?
Reply in head: Well since my crystal ball is broken and my ESP doesn't work on people with no brain function...um...try between "I have no clue" and "Next to never"
Personal Favorite:
Me: (pointing down hall) Ok, you're going to go all the way down to the end of the hall. See where the sign hangs from the ceiling? Have a seat there in the waiting room.
Patient: (staring down hall at said sign) What does the sign say?
Reply in head: um...Sit you a** here??
Patient: I left my prescription at home, no one told me to bring it
Reply in head: That's right. I must have started speaking Mandarin Chineese when I said, "Be sure to bring your script with you."
Patient: No one told me I wasn't supposed to eat.
Reply in head: Yup, when I said to "Fast after midnight" I ment do things quicker than you usually do.
Patient: My doctor said they were going to fax over my orders, why don't you have it?
Reply in head: Becasue they are big, fat liars? No actually I do have it, but I just don't like you and want to make this way harder than it has to be! (insert evil laugh)
Patient: Why don't YOU call my doctor's office?
Reply in head: Why don't you take this fork and go stick it in that wall socket over there?
Me on phone: Radiology, Tess, how can I help you?
Patient: Is this Pam?
Reply in head: Why yes it is! You are clearly too smart to fall for my clever ruse of using another name. Alert the CIA, we have their new recruit!!
Patient: I need to schedule a brain scan.
Reply in head: Yes that was obvious from the moment I answered the phone!
Me on phone: All our x-rays are done on a walk in basis.
Patient: So what's the best time to come in if I come tomorrow?
Reply in head: Well since my crystal ball is broken and my ESP doesn't work on people with no brain function...um...try between "I have no clue" and "Next to never"
Personal Favorite:
Me: (pointing down hall) Ok, you're going to go all the way down to the end of the hall. See where the sign hangs from the ceiling? Have a seat there in the waiting room.
Patient: (staring down hall at said sign) What does the sign say?
Reply in head: um...Sit you a** here??
First Post!!!
Ok so I don't usually do this, and I am terrible at keeping things up to date. But hey I'm willing to give this a try! Maybe I can even use it as my theraputic outlet for all the stress I deal with every day. :)
Better get back to work for now, people tend to get grumpy if they have to wait to long for their tests!
Better get back to work for now, people tend to get grumpy if they have to wait to long for their tests!
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